Transcript:
Why are you becoming an Ambassador for ADHD UK?
I’m keen to ensure that collectively we can raise awareness around ADHD and the impact that it has on people’s lives at any stage of life – whether that’s as a child, whether that’s as a teenager, in further higher education, whether that’s as a young professional coming into the workplace, whether that’s someone in the middle of their career, mid-life, that has recently been diagnosed, which is where I was at, because I think there’s still a lot to be learned around the impact of ADHD on individuals across all age demographics.
And the more we talk about ADHD, the more we research it and the more we offer support and guidance, hopefully, the more ADHD will start to become part of the conversation naturally, as opposed to it having to be pushed. And schools, colleges and businesses will actually start to implement frameworks and governance in the way they work to support people that have ADHD, which would then help those people at school, which will help them in higher education, achieving their grades and not failing, like I did, and it will help them thrive in the workplace. I think that’s really, really important.
So in terms of becoming an advocate and the work I’m doing as an ambassador, it’s really for me just to try and help the charity help the general population understand more about ADHD and its impact and challenges, as well as the positives that can come out of it as well.
Tell us about your diagnosis journey.
My journey started about 15 years ago. I was in my early thirties, when I started suffering from anxiety and depression. It took me awhile to admit that it did get in the way of work, because I was dealing with lack of self value, lack of self-confidence, imposter syndrome. I was never satisfied, I was never happy with anything. So, eventually, I ended up going to see my GP, and I was advised I had anxiety and depression, and they gave me some antidepressants. I had a course of them for the best part of 3-4 years, but it didn’t help, it didn’t address any of the problems. It just masked a lot of them.
Then, one day, I was watching a program on TV, and there was a gentleman on there, I think he was a young musician in his mid-twenties, and he was talking about ADHD and his recent diagnosis. He was talking about what he was going through and the symptoms, and suddenly it all clicked. Some googling and a few online self-assessments later, I decided to take myself to the GP again.
Wait time for NHS was about two years where I am, so I decided to see a specialist privately instead. He diagnosed a major depressive disorder co-morbid with ADHD.
It was just such a relief to be honest with you. I have embraced my diagnosis, because I appreciate that everyone’s different. And now that I know, I can work with it, as opposed to against it. I spent the vast majority of my life, both childhood and adulthood working against it, unknowingly, but now I can understand the challenges that come from having ADHD, and thus I can understand where my strengths lie and what I’m good at.
I’ve been open with my employer and they’ve been really supportive. Of course, there are still challenges, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also made me look at certain aspects of my life and certain things I was doing before, and has made me look into changing some of those. One of them was alcohol. I think it’s common knowledge that when you look at a lot of addiction problems, ADHD does figure quite strongly in a lot of cases. And I used to have an all or nothing type of attitude to lots of what I did, whether it’s beer, whether it’s chocolate, whether it’s work, whether it’s exercise, etc. And after my diagnosis I decided I needed to have a healthier approach to things, obviously alcohol being one of them. So, now I’m just over 500 days without any alcohol, and that’s had a massive impact in terms of my approach to life and my values. For example, I used to have a very good value set in terms of talking a good talk, but I didn’t necessarily walk the walk, whereas now I’m getting into a routine on how to manage my ADHD and my day. I’ve implemented different changes in my routine – it involves waking up in the morning, early meditation, going to the gym, and it involves being healthy, mentally and physically. And that has made a huge difference. There are still challenges, of course, especially in terms of self belief, but it is getting better.
For me, personally, since getting diagnosed in February 2020, I have had two really good years and there’s been a big change and a big shift in how I am in a lot of my relationships, especially with my immediate family, with my partner and my two children. There are still off days, but, generally, I’m more present and I’m very open with my children about my ADHD, and I think, in general, getting the diagnosis was a catalyst for a lot of the positive changes in my life.
The impact of ADHD and resultant increased risk of suicide is an important topic. Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?
Sadly, yes. There’s a history of suicide in my family. My grandfather took his own life, and I do wonder now, if mental health wasn’t that much of a taboo subject back then, whether he would have gone so far as ending his life.
But for me personally, sadly yes, I’ve had those thoughts, in my darkest days. I have not attempted it, and I’m confident enough to sit here and say I would never attempt it, because I know I have too much to lose, too much to give. I am now of the mindset that you can get over anything. And if the worst things happen, let’s say I lost my job, if I had nothing, if I had to start again, that would be incredibly challenging. But I’m confident enough to think that the mindset that I’m currently working towards would enable me to reset and think “Right, start again”.
What would you like to tell people generally about your ADHD?
I think there is still stigma attached to it. I know from my immediate friend group, I can tell that I’m a bit different. For example, I don’t always know how to react to certain things, or if I’m not laughing at a certain joke or certain behaviours, then sometimes they may feel a bit awkward. But I think, having ADHD is something to embrace. I don’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about. There’s an awful lot of traits that come with it, which can be valuable in lots of different situations, personally and professionally. And I personally think it’s good to be different. You don’t want all of us to be the same. And we are all unique in our own way, don’t get me wrong, whether you’re neurotypical or neurodiverse, but I think the energy that having ADHD can bring to certain situations can be really beneficial. I’ve learned a lot about that in the workplace.
In regards to my ADHD, I think I’ve lost the hyperactiveness I had as a kid, and I’ve actually recently realized, especially since taking alcohol out of the equation, that I am an introvert. I’ve now learned to enjoy my own company and just take it easy. And I think a lot of that has to do with getting my diagnosis, and understanding the fact that I am neurodiverse and the benefits that it brings. I’m also quite an empathetic character. And I take that into work as well. I want to be a compassionate leader at work, and create an inclusive environment where people are able to speak openly about anything – about being neurodiverse, about mental health, relationships, whatever it may be – because if you don’t talk about it, whatever it is that’s going on, it’s not going to get any better.
But yes, for me, I see my ADHD as a strength. I am still learning a lot about it, but I do regard it as a strength.
What would you like to tell your employers about your ADHD?
My employers have been really good. When I first mentioned it to my employer, they didn’t have a clue about ADHD or neurodiversity, and they admitted. But they also had enough compassion and emotional intelligence to ask me what it was I needed from them in order to offer support and any changes. So together, we’ve gone through a bit of a journey, to work out the reasonable adjustments I need. Lockdown also helped. I know that’s a terrible thing to say because it’s impacted so many people negatively, so please take that in the right way, if you are offended by that comment, but for me there were positives. I was commuting to London four days a week from the south coast, and three months after my diagnosis, we went into lockdown and having the support from home in what is now my office, being able to close the door and have no distractions, have no people walking past, no noise. I used to work in a open plan office. At the time it was hot desk, you just turn up and you sit where there’s a desk. And that used to cause me quite a lot of anxiety because if I didn’t get a desk in the far corner by the window with no one behind me, I would struggle to get things done. And the work I do is target driven, so when there’s lots of distractions, that just builds my anxiety because I’ve not done a lot today.
I’ve done quite a lot of work around raising awareness of ADHD, of neurodiversity, and my employers are listening, which has been good. They are starting to implement changes in the way we hire. We want to ensure that we are appealing to neurodiverse talent as well and not just pigeonholing them. Because it is important that we all work to our strengths.
What would you like to tell your school about your ADHD?
I know people through some of the work I’ve come done and through friends, whose children are struggling in school, and they have been diagnosed with ADHD. And I don’t think it’s necessarily the school’s problem. I think it’s the system and it’s got to start at the top, in terms of government, because you look at things like autism, for example, or dyslexia, from what I understand, there’s more of a support mechanism in place for those with those traits at a school. And I think at school, children with ADHD are seen as just being naughty and disruptive. And then the teachers need to get them out of the class, so they can then focus on the other kids in the class, because the teachers have a lesson to teach. So again, it’s not their fault. It’s beyond that. It’s about getting a system in place to ensure that the support mechanisms are there already for children with ADHD.
When you look at the statistics, there’s going to be a lot of kids at school with ADHD, who haven’t been diagnosed, and they are just seen as that naughty boy or girl that is either away with the fairies, never concentrates or is really hyperactive and distracting and naughty.
So, I think, the more the schools have a mechanism in place for those that have ADHD, the easier it will be, and the more we’ll start to see those children thrive.
What would you like to tell the NHS about your ADHD?
I think the NHS do an awfully good job with the limited resources they have. My day job is working with NHS trusts, so I’ve kind of seen that they are doing all they can in general, not just not around the mental health side, but in general.
I do think that there needs to be an appreciation that ADHD is a thing. It needs to be treated on equal terms as autism and dyslexia. The waiting to get diagnosed, depending on where you are, is years and years. Of course, the impacts of COVID, the challenges on the NHS, the challenges on the workforce and getting the right people, retaining talent, all of this culminates in one of the many reasons why it does take so long to get a diagnosis through the NHS. And I think they need more support, and that can only come through funding and that can only come through the government. I do think the NHS do a great job. I really, really do, I just feel they need to do more, but I don’t think it’s necessarily their fault.
What would you like to tell your friends about your ADHD?
I’d like to tell them that it’s the best thing that’s happened in a nutshell. I’m changing and I’m enjoying the change and I’m enjoying seeing the results of those changes, not just on me, but on those that actually matter to me, which fundamentally in my mind are my immediate family and that’s what matters. And I guess those that are real friends will continue on that journey with me.
What would you like to tell your parents about your ADHD?
I was born in the late 70s, so, effectively, my childhood years are the 80s. And no one knew what ADHD was back then. So I just seemed like a very hyperactive kid. But they now know the challenges that it has brought mentally for me. They care and offer understanding and support.
If you could have a magic wand, would you entirely remove your ADHD?
I will keep parts. I would remove the overthinking – I overthink too much and sometimes that can cause a bit of anxiety and that can cause a lack of self-belief in what I do. I do also struggle doing too many things at once, so work-wise this can have an impact. Sometimes when I am working on multiple projects, I can spin two or three plates at once, but I would struggle spinning five, six, seven plates. I would struggle because I don’t always know where to start. I can overthink all of that and the planning around that.
I would definitely get rid of the anxiety and depression as well. I’m learning how to cope with it without the medication. And I embrace it. I think that’s probably the right word to use. But I would like to take away the depression that creeps in.
I would also take away the addictive side to the ADHD. Definitely get rid of that, in order to have a more balanced approach to life.
Tell us about one of your favourite ADHD strategies.
I normally wake up at 5:30 – 6am. And instead of lying around in bed, I’ll get up and I’ll make the most of the day. I’ll make a coffee. And not just an instant coffee. I’ll make a proper coffee – I love the process of doing that. And then I’ll sit in the garden room which overlooks a garden, and enjoy the nice views of trees and shrubs and what have you, and I’ll just sit there, take it all, and just think about the day.
I’ll then go to the gym and walk the dog. Exercising and being present have really helped me. For me, the strategies that have really helped me are meditation, routine, exercise – that’s the big three, along with the consistency that comes with that and the persistency as well. So not just exercising once a week, thinking that’s going to help. I need to exercise every day.
And if I need to take myself away from the screen to get 5 minutes, 10 minutes, then I can do that. Don’t feel guilty of taking yourself away. There is a limit, obviously, there’s deliverables. I get paid to do my job, so I need to ensure that I do my job. But the flexibility has been there to to do it, whether it’s 9 to 5, whether it’s 8 to 4, whether it’s 9 to 6, etc.
What is the worst thing that has happened to you as a result of ADHD?
Looking back now, I’ve been sacked from a couple of roles, prior to knowing that I had ADHD, and I don’t think that had anything to do with my performance in terms of revenue. I think it was more of a lack of understanding. And the fact that I didn’t fit in and the fact that my bosses at the time didn’t know about neurodiversity. It wasn’t even mentioned, and we’re not talking that long ago. We’re talking within the last four or five years.
That was a stressful time, getting sacked, which I believe was as a result of my ADHD and my behaviour. Now I know obviously about it and how I was perceived, and I realise that maybe I didn’t necessarily fit into a certain culture, which was a toxic culture as well. And that lack of understanding within the working environment, impacted me negatively at home.
What is the best thing that has happened to you because of ADHD?
For me, the best thing that has happened to me was being diagnosed and as a result of that. Since my diagnosis I have started to understand myself a lot more. If I hadn’t been diagnosed with ADHD, I do question whether I’d given up alcohol. If I hadn’t given up alcohol, I do question whether I would have the self-belief and self-compassion that I now know I have. Understanding myself has allowed me to really focus on starting to like myself. And now I know how to work with my ADHD, as opposed to against it, and the changes I need to make to myself, in order to start being the person that I think I’ve always been inside.
Anyone can be whoever they want to be. And anyone can help anyone else. So if your journey in life has given you lessons, give that back to the next generation. Help people in general to make a difference and be the best they can be. Whatever it is they do. That’s the mission I’m on at the moment, and I enjoy it. I really do.