Hello! I am Hannah, an autistic adhder with a love of jellycats and all things creative.

I am so excitied and honored to be an ADHD UK Ambassador. My activism journey started back in 2020 and I have since had the chance to work alongside a number of amazing charities, I have had the chance to raise my voice and the voice of others and it’s sparked a real drive in me to fight for change and social justice. I have been shocked through my own personal journey as well as others close to me the lack of support, funding, research, understanding and acceptance of ADHD in this country. When I spoke to ADHD UK, I learnt that all too sadly my concerns and experiences are far from isolated hence my desire to be part of changing the narrative for ADHDers and am excited to work alongside ADHD UK as an Ambassador.

‘I don’t want to be included – I want true inclusion’ was the blog I published after the first amateur dramatic group I attended told me I was ‘too autistic’ to be an actor and that maybe I needed to go to a group for those with specialist needs. This was just one of the many stories I have in relation to ableism, discrimination and other things along this line- this story relates to autism however I have all too many others in relation to ADHD. My potential to add value to a situation rejected because my inclusion left others feeling puzzled and uncomfortable.

It continues to baffle me how, in this day and age, people still discriminate against things just because they don’t understand. I believe discrimination comes from fear and that fear comes from a place of ignorance and lack of education. However, we cannot just sit back and accept this. It’s this damaging narrative which plays into the idea that different equals less. It was at this point that I realized that, however uncomfortable it maybe, I need to fight for change within our society. That, in truth, we do not all start on an equal footing; that there are people, who through no fault of their own, are in the shadows of our society. Disproportionately disadvantaged in a system which just seems to further widen the gap between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’. It is this that drives everything I do.

Creativity quite honestly saved my life. As much as that is such a cringey and cliché thing to say, the power of creativity is one we too often underestimate. My journey through life so far has been one of many trials and tribulations. In some ways I found my calling in creativity later on but it has been the tool I have used to discover the real me, navigate my challenges and now my weapon of choice in the battle for social change and justice.

My path to this point in my life has been a difficult one, but one that drives my want to use creativity to empower social change. I grew up undiagnosed neurodivergent (I am autistic with a Pathological Demand Avoidance profile (PDA) and Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), this meant the mainstream system didn’t work for me, however being female, no one picked up on the struggles I worked so perfectly to hide. I also suffered abuse in my childhood and had a number of other traumatic events. My brain did not learn or work in the same way as my peers, I couldn’t really make friends and the very few I bumbled alongside never lasted very long. At 9 years old I developed an eating disorder and began having suicidal thoughts. For me the world was a confusing and scary place. I struggled to fit in and understand the world- I felt I was not given the handbook everyone else had to society and the rules to exist. I thought I was broken, damaged and fundamentally not good enough. I had been anxious my whole life and just after my GCSE exams it all crumbled around me. My mental health deteriorated, the years of masking and trauma had led to burnout and a full breakdown. I was suicidal. I was done. I felt I had nothing left to give this world.

I then spent the next 4/5 years in and out of hospitals. I ended up in PICU (Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit) on constant observations (when some has to be with you at all times) due to the level of distress I was in- I was a revolving door patient, labelled difficult and too complex. I was told there was no hope and I would never change. It wasn’t until 2020, at 19 years old I was told I was autistic and then later diagnosed with ADHD. The world of neurodivergence was opened and an explanation that I wasn’t a strange broken horse but a normal zebra (a section from one of my favourite quotes about labels). Of course, this wasn’t an overnight transformation but slowly over the next few years I educated myself, I learnt about ADHD, autism, neurodivergence and I went on a journey of self-discovery.

I did this through different forms of creativity. I began to use this as a way to express myself, a way to get lost, away from the noises of my own head. I used it to understand and investigate what neurodivergence meant to me. It allowed me to work through my own internalised ableism, my fear of being different and to cope with the constant discrimination and poor treatment by others. Unfortunately, during my time in hospitals, I suffered significant abuse which led to even more complex trauma and deep issues with trust. During my hospital stays I was subjected to neglect, abuse and mistreatment- this combined with my childhood trauma has resulted in C-PTSD (complex-post traumatic stress disorder). I was made to feel so broken, like a problem and a burden. I was repeatedly told I would never succeed.

In the end I had a choice: the way I was going was only going to end up one way. I was scared, but I quite literally had nothing to lose. For so long I felt unsure of my purpose, of what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t know who I was. I had spent so long hiding and masking I truly had no idea about the real me.

This journey of self-discovery took many years. It started in 2020 and it still continues to this day. In truth, the largest part of this work occurred to me only last month. I discovered that I have two massive passions in life: two things which drive everything I do. One being a love of performing and expressing myself creatively – this is something that massively helped in my journey to discovering who I am. And the other, which is the drive that gets me up each day: social change.

I had found my solace. A place I could escape, a place I could be me, no judgement, rules or expectation. I found tranquility when lost in art whether that be singing, music, drawing, dancing or acting. In these moments I am finally free from the world and able to express myself in the way I find best. Bullet journaling has quite literally become my therapy and I could honestly spend hours creating, painting and drawing.

It wasn’t, however, all plain sailing. As with most things in life, there is no happily ever after. As I found my passion for creativity and started to reach out to share my love with others, the true scale of social change required in all aspects of life became even more apparent. For me I felt that once I knew who I was and what I am – labels and all – then others would understand my difficulties, accept and accommodate me. How wrong I was.

I am however forever the optimist and believe we can and will create change, better systems, policies and a fairer more just society. As an ADHD UK ambassador I will be fighting for this change specifically in relation to the disadvantages faced by the ADHD community. As part of my role fundraising for the charity, I will be using my socials, blog and podcast (@legallydetained) to raise awareness and also share some of the ways I used creativty on my journey of understanding neurodivergence, what it means to me and as a strategy to support my ADHD and everyday life.